#100: Building Blocks of Intimacy Part 2
Welcome to episode #100 of RL Radio and part 2 of the Building Blocks of Intimacy! We are so excited to reach this milestone with you guys. If you liked seeing the video version of our podcast last week, you can watch this week’s video in the Worthy of Her Trust Academy Public Content section (see link below) or on our YouTube Channel.
Okay, so we are in part two of our deep dive into the building blocks of intimacy, and we start right off the bat discussing this idea of compatibility. Jason voices a couple of insights:
Popular culture focuses a lot on compatibility in the sense of how two people’s differences will jive, but Jason points out how we, as humans, are actually designed for compatibility, so the opposition between a spender and a saver is not an issue of compatibility as much as personal preference, and its actually our wounds that outsize the boxes of intimacy that give the illusion of incompatibility.
When we age into our 70s & 80s, the first thing to go is most likely sexual intimacy, and if we don’t know now how to connect holistically and authentically, then when sexual intimacy fades out, what will we have? Hopefully, we’ve spent our time developing true intimacy so we can stay connected as we age together.
Then we move into the different approaches we need to look out for when using the building blocks framework:
1 - 'Top Down’ Approach - Sex is the way to connect. Top Down is the idea that we use sex to fill in all of the building blocks in a sort of “quick fix” way, rather than creating connections that would lead to HEALTHY sexuality. This taints all of the other boxes, making every dynamic of intimacy sexually charged.
2 - 'Bottom Up with Strings Attached’ Approach - Using the building blocks of intimacy to guarantee sexual connection. This can feel connecting, but underneath what looks and feels connecting is really just straight-up fake. That said, it’s not always nefarious, but it IS misguided.
3 - 'No Building Blocks’ Approach: Minimal to no intimate connection with ANY of the building blocks. This is where severe intimacy aversion happens.
4 - ‘Disintegrated’ Approach: A moment of connection within one of the building blocks, but as soon as the experience is over, intimacy disappears. For example, going on a bike ride and connecting (recreational intimacy). Once the ride is over and the bikes are stored away, all connection is gone.
5 - ‘Bottom-Up with No Strings Attached' Approach: Experiencing intimacy for the sake of intimacy, not to get us anywhere else. I loved when Jason shared: When we engage in the other intimacies, it’s satisfying. And we don’t need sex. We want sex, but we don’t need it.
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