From the Inside

It’s December 10th, and we have yet to put up our Christmas tree.

Maybe tonight is the night.

It seems to be about a 17-day process: take the tree down from the attic, the box sits in the garage for
over a week, bring said box inside, and let it sit another day. (A lot of sitting.) Put the tree up. And there it waits
for several days - naked and alone. Finally, we light the tree. And it rests some more. And
then: we decorate.

My Christmas tree is kinda like Advent: a posture of longing, expectancy, preparing, waiting, and…
moving slowly.

My Wreath Era

I was DELIGHTED to find that when I put the wreaths up on the windows, I loved them even better from the INSIDE of the house.  Never mind the OUTSIDE of the house!!! This really made me smile.

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One reason I have lost focus on the Christmas tree is that I am in my Wreath Era. If we connect
on Instagram, you might have seen some of the photos of my wreaths.

To share about the wreaths, I first must back up and share about my windows that the
wreaths are hanging from.

Jason and I live in a 1950s ranch-style house that we practically circled the globe (or to
Oklahoma and back, depending on how you see it) to come home to. We remodeled the Mary
Lousie House (affectionately named after the previous and original owner, now deceased,
master gardener, pretty sure she was Ah-Mazing) in 2024, and I ultimately refused to replace
the front windows.

One of many ‘conditions’ I exhibit is an obsession with original windows. These beauts are
double-hung with wood trim between the panes of glass. Imperfect, with layers of paint from the last 70 years. Nothing to write home about but also EVERYTHING to me.

Once we moved in about a year ago, I envisioned hanging wreaths on the windows, but last
Christmas, it was just a dream that wouldn’t see the light of day. Did I mention we remodeled
and moved multiple times?

This year, however, I was game-face ready to start hanging wreaths.

A couple of days ago, I told Jason, "Let’s hang up these wreaths. I don’t know exactly what
they will look like from the inside of the windows (I KNEW they would look amazing from the
outside), so we might have to rethink them depending on how they look.”

Well.

Was I ever in for a surprise.

You guys - I LOVE how they look from the INSIDE. Forget about the outside (they need
brighter red bows, some fluffing, one more wreath at the front door in order to look better), but I
don’t even really care about the outside because the inside has completely blown me away.

From the Inside…

Surprisingly, we might just love the end result.

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And isn’t this a sweet word picture for our hope for healing? That we will be delighted in who we have become when this is all said and done? That we will exhibit a freedom and a joy and a peace that can’t be taken away from us?

What if we actually LOVE the end result?

So much of the initial work, I focused on the outside of this process:

• What are people going to really think if they find out?

• What is wrong with my body that caused Jason to make the choices he made?

• How can I be more sexy in order to fix this?

• Is Jason even doing the work?

All fair questions, all NORMAL questions. I had to ask these questions and more.

And as I continued to push forward and lean into the healing, I started to focus on the internal
things:

• What am I really okay with? (We get to fully own our limits and our boundaries based on what
we value and hold tight to in our hearts!)

• How can I fully grieve this, even if it scares me deeply?

• God, I surrender him to You, I can not change him. I trust You, God.

• This actually happened to me. I am not immune. (Oh, so humbling.)

One of the things that surprised me in all of this is that I changed, too (not just Jason). And over
time (a very long period, might I add), I started to like myself MORE, not less.

Just like those wreaths, the inner beauty I was beginning to discover, from healing, began to outweigh my doubts, fears and concerns, time invested; all the things.

Ladies - it’s deep work we are called to do here. And I have seen, time and time again, this
truth: it IS possible to walk away and like ourselves better than we did before.

The inner beauty I was beginning to discover, from healing, outweighed everything else.

Isn’t it the inside that is most important anyway?

If you are new to this journey, I want to reach out my hand, grab yours, and make sure you
know: you can do this, you can heal, you will get there.

If you have been on this journey for a while and you are weary, I want to pull you close and
whisper in your ear: you are getting close, keep going.

And if you are starting to like what’s happening on the inside, I’m giving you a high-five and
celebrating with you: look at you go! Now it gets good!

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December 10th has come and gone, and my Christmas tree is still in the box in the garage. I
know it’s going to be beautiful once I make it shine with lights and ornaments. For now, it waits.

Kinda like us and the things we are waiting for - sure, from our husbands but also for ourselves.
I pray over all of you reading this that God will continue to do a good work in you and heal you
from the inside out.

Would love to hear from you - in what ways have you seen God heal you? In what ways has he
changed you on the inside? In what areas do you continue to wait with expectancy?

xo - Shelley

ps. If you subscribe to my {almost} monthly letter, there will be a link to a FREEBIE with more of my thoughts + journal prompts to take this deeper. Here is a link to subscribe to that letter!