Weary and Rejoicing

I have been thinking about all my women this week - yes YOU. The women that I am blessed to serve, whether in a small way or in a larger way. This is such a hard time of year to navigate healing from the trauma of betrayal.

How do we hold the tension between the pain we are experiencing and the joy of the season?

How do we navigate family - those that know and those that don’t know our stories?

What does it look like to not feel safe with him and to need boundaries and yet, to also desire to create memories with our littles?

And how in the WORLD do we work through Aunt Bertha’s comments and the triggers that go along with them?

It’s HARD.

I want you to know that I see you during this season. I see how you are hanging on for dear life, making the moments count, holding back the tears until you feel safe to let them out and for a lot of us - just getting by.

And it’s okay.

This Christmas doesn’t HAVE to be perfect. In fact, the first Christmas was far from perfect (having a baby on a road trip in a stable, shortly thereafter escaping to another country because the man in charge of the country is searching to kill the baby…) - maybe your imperfect Christmas honors the first one more than any other!

This Christmas also doesn’t have to be the most magical or the most memorable. It can be weariness mixed with joy.

Here are a few of the things I am doing to this year to hold that tension between weariness and joy:

Focus on One Thing

Pick one thing that you want to focus on during the Twelve Days of Christmas (December 25 - January 5). It could be a focus on staying grounded in your body, spending quality time with your littles, listening to your intuition. The list goes on and on. Narrowing it down to one thing can help simplify the next twelve days as well as allow us to turn the volume down on all the things that don't matter in order to focus on what does.

The Weary World Rejoices

And speaking of the Twelve Days of Christmas - for me personally - December one through 24 are madness. I have tried (quite imperfectly) to release myself from the pressure of those days. I went to the Nutcracker, yes, and loved it - but do I have my tree up? Absolutely not.

Enter the Twelve Days of Christmas. This is when I feel like I can actually slow down, celebrate, breathe. I am expectantly and wearily waiting for those days which finally start today.

You might not be able to pause for all twelve days, but being able to slow down and allow your weary self to rest and rejoice is a gift you can give yourself.

Containment

And piggy backing off of the above - give yourself two to four days to contain what you need to contain - whether that be your recovery process, work stress, whatever it is that you are carrying - give yourself some time to release those things to the foot of the cross. Practice your detachment skills and ENJOY what is right in front of you.

Here is an article from the archives on containment if you want to learn more.

Merry Christmas to each of you, I am looking forward to what God has in store for us in 2023.

xoxo - Shelley
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Hey Gals!  When I transitioned my old website to a new website in early 2026, I lost all my comments.  These comments are precious to me and to so many of you.  I am posting the comments here and please feel free to comment below if you have something you’d like to share.  xoxo - Shelley

Christine L. said: Thank you for bringing me perspective and breath. Twelve Days. I love it.

My response: YES - it has really helped me these last couple of years. Merry Christmas! xo - Shelley

Christine H. said: I needed to read this so badly. Thank you Shelley for being such a blessing and helping so many women like myself on this road to healing.

My response: I'm so glad it spoke to you! Sending hugs and know I believe in you! xoxo

Renee said: Thank you for your message. It is good to know that we can enjoy this time of year without letting the ways of the world hold us down. I will use these days to focus on me and my family. Merry Christmas to you and yours

My response: Yes Renee! Focusing on you and your family! Enjoy and know that it's okay to be right where you are. xoxo - Shelley

Jaleen Davidson said: Love this, Shelley. Yesterday I cried and tried to bake something delicious that is also dairy free, ha! And was reminded of the yearning of advent season. Jesus, come soon. Merry Christmas, sweet friend.

My response: I really hope your DF baking turned out great! And the tears, yes. Look at you holding space for the sweetness as well as the hard. Love you girl and Merry Christmas! xoxo

Sarah Amos said: Such a timely blog post and much appreciated! Thank you for allowing the Lord to speak through you Shelley. Merry Christmas!

My response: Merry Christmas to you, too, Sarah! I have been meaning to email you - I will be in touch after the holidays!!! xoxo

Sarah Amos replied: Oh ok wonderful! Happy New Year and looking forward to hearing from you ❤️

Beverly said: So much truth here. Letting go of all of the expectations and just being present in the joy and the pain. I am celebrating Christ’s birth by getting myself out in His healing creation today - snowshoeing in the Tetons. Wishing you a peaceful Christmas

My response: When I read this last week, Beverly, my heart was filled with so much Joy! You have shown - in all the ways - what it looks like to LIVE post betrayal! I hope your snowshoeing in the Tetons was glorious!!! Happy New Year! xoxo - Shelley

KR said: Thank you sweet Shelley - such a wonderful reminder and so needed - whew - it gives me permission to rest and enjoy this sacred space. So thankful for this ministry!

My response: Yes friend, REST. That might actually be my word for 2023. To slow down and rest... The 12 days of Christmas aren't over yet - hoping we can all continue to rest and enjoy! Love you lady! xoxo

Chelle said: Thank you so much for reaching out with this life raft . I don’t feel like I’ve lost all momentum now, I took three days after Christmas to rest , sleep , pray … thank you for affirming that this is needed and normal in our situation. God Bless you and all you do for us . Hugs .

My response: It is SO important and I am so proud of you for doing this!!! My Christmas was a bit of a junk show - so I might need to continue to rest AFTER the 12 days of Christmas, we shall see. Sending hugs your way!!!

xoxo - Shelley