Recovery with a Cancer Diagnosis

Hi Ladies! I know it’s been a while since we have been here on the blog. Now that we are all finished recording and publishing Season #4 of the Pod - I can devote my “free time” (bahaha - what is that actually?!) to writing again. We are starting with an excerpt from Tracy Binder - she wrote this last month, it’s just taken me a bit to get my feet under me so that I can publish it.

I realize we talk a LOT about getting community and support around here - the reason for this is two-fold. For starters: it’s because the group I was in literally saved my bacon. I don’t think I would be standing here today writing to you guys if I hadn’t had women circling their wagons around me. It’s one of my greatest passions helping women find this type of support.

In addition - we know that for women healing from betrayal - isolation can be one of the worst things. To heal from the trauma and pain - we MUST have safe people in our lives loving us at our worst, AND at our best.

All that to say - you will hear Tracy talk about community in her piece below. And we do have five (yes five!!!) new support groups rolling out this Fall. If you are interested in this type of support - please don’t hesitate to reach out and let me know and I can share next steps with you. xoxo - Shelley

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On December, 28, 2021 we moved into a home we planned and built for two-plus years on 15 acres of briars and garbage. (Shelley here - this is not a typo, apparently there was a TON of garbage, Tracy said!)  We bought geese and chickens and two goats, too.  This was something we had dreamt about for more than three decades. Even through our sexual betrayal journey this was a dream we held close to our hearts.

Starting in late January 2022, I had headaches for a week or two that ibuprofen wouldn’t touch.  Jason had just finished getting over COVID and I figured this is what I was dealing with, too. On a Sunday morning, I ended up in the ER due to some other symptoms I was experiencing.  The doctor came in and said, ”Tracy, you have a brain tumor.” 

I was overwhelmed. I was in shock. 

The doctor left and I called Jason and told him, “I have a brain tumor and you need to come here now!”  We needed to get an MRI at another hospital so they transferred us. We waited over night.

The next morning, the surgeon at the hospital described the surgery I would need to have. 

We were overwhelmed.  I missed my kids. I wanted this to all go away.

Jason has worked in oncology drug development for a large part of his career.  He reached out to everyone with influence from CEO down at his company.  Within 10 days we consulted with Duke Cancer, Wake Forest, and local Cone Health on surgical options. 

We chose Wake to do the surgery - we felt cared for by them and also like God was orchestrating our path with them.  (Our church has a member who trained under the best brain surgeon on the East Coast.  Within hours we were in his office.)

What was I thinking through this chaos?  I couldn’t.  I was in a fog for months. I’m just STARTING to grieve all this now.

What does embracing this look like?  What does grieving cancer in our own process of recovery look like?  This process will take me years to truly grieve.  Here’s my take, five months in, for all my women out there…

Allow yourself to fall.  

I was in DENIAL.  Really bad denial.  After my first surgery, I was up and running (granted not fast at all). (Shelley again - just to be clear, Tracy was LITERALLY running with her jogging shoes on, not just running around the house or running to the bathroom or whatever you might think. Tracy is a Bad-Ass. The end.) I was running up to 3 1/2 miles. This was a ton following a brain surgery.   Within three weeks my headaches were back.  Over a weekend in March, Jason was returning from Florida with my son from a sporting event.  He got home at midnight and by 4 am I was vomiting with intense pain and he took me to the ER.  After 24 hours at the hospital, our surgeon came in and told me I was headed back to surgery.  The tumor recurred in three weeks!

This surgery made us fall and fall fast.  I saw my husband fall and I fell with him.  We were broken.  All the optimism and energy we had was swept out from under us.  It still has not returned.  

Accept the bargaining.

After the second surgery Jason and I were in a much lower place.  Our hearts hurt, our souls hurt and we felt broken.  Know this ladies: asking questions is normal.  It’s going to come and it’s disorienting, confusing and our husbands will not always be able to hold them well.  Questions that I STILL have: How do we tell the kids all of this?  How much do we tell them at 14 and at 4?  How do we hold each other?

Bargaining can also look like agreements or vows with God hoping for an outcome.  If I do this, then you will do that for me or for us?  Or it can look like: If I didn’t do this or that maybe I wouldn’t be here?  This is how you know you are in bargaining: trying to make sense via negotiating an unanswerable questions.  Your body/brain/soul is trying to make sense of your present condition. This stage can come out of the blue with the other stages of grief.

(It’s me again, Shelley - this is such a good point about bargaining. Sometimes women will feel like they are losing their minds with the bargaining because oftentimes it doesn’t make sense. Keep in mind it’s your way through. Sure, we don’t want to get stuck in the bargaining but it is NORMAL and okay to ask these questions that really don’t have a good answer attached to them.)

Have a community around you.

I can’t say it enough, have PEOPLE!!  It does not need to be a large amount, but a few friends you can cry with and weep with and just sit there with when there are no words.  I had three incredible friends that supported me.  They are my BFFs, they will walk with me, run with me (Shelley here - I think she literally means going for a run, just fyi.) and just come over and sit with me.  They know how to pump me up and keep me going even when I feel like I could not.  

Shelley has been a rock.  Seriously, she came all the way after the retreat and visited me.  My hair started to fall out that day. She did not know this at the time, yet another facet of the cancer journey I was on.  She brought me the retreat packet and everything that came with it.  Mostly she brought me herself.  She brought her laugh and her smile and her tears.  She is a blessing.

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Girls,  This is just the beginning.  I am learning as I go.  I just got over coming off chemo treatment.  I just got over shingles.  I feel spent but each day I’m getting up and saying today is another day.  Some days are our hard days, some days we have to work, hard!!!!  

What resonates with you from my story?  What really hurts?  What gives you incredible hope?

Get behind us satan and 

Shine On!


Tracy

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Hey Gals!  When I transitioned my old website to a new website in early 2026, I lost all my comments.  These comments are precious to me and to so many of you.  I am posting the comments here and please feel free to comment below if you have something you’d like to share.  xoxo - Shelley

Michele Roseman said: What a tremendous blessing to read your real, raw update Tracy. As my coach you gave me a necklace engraved with the wors BRAVE. This word epitomizes you. You are still in my thoughts and prayers. Sending you hugs and hope today pretty lady! Love, Michele

Tracy Binder replied: Michele,
Girl that you for your thoughts and prayers! I could not do this without each of you!!

Brenda Solar said: Sometimes through trauma, tragedy and just hard times we find out how weak we are but also how strong the Lord makes us. We were designed for victory and we can walk in that no matter what we go through because of our Savior, Jesus Christ. This story exudes the victory that Tracy has, is walking in and will have no matter the outcome! Tracy, you are so loved and I'm praying for you and your family. Jesus is with you in this firey furnace.

Tracy Binder replied: Brenda,
Oh man your words are powerful. I need to write these down to reminder them!

Lynn Wilson-Collins said: Tracy, thank you for sharing your experience. Life definitely challenges us and I'm positive God only chooses the ones who have FAITH and STRENGTH in their heart and mind. You are incredibly a woman OF BOTH!
My prayers will continue for you and your family and friends (your BFFs). Your words have given me strength to keep moving in my direction... self care!
Love you Tracy. Sending you BIG BIG GENTLE HUGS!

Tracy Binder replied: Lynn,
Self care!!! Oh yes!!!! What a great reminder of the self care we need to give to ourself!!

Samantha said: Tracy, I am honored that you were my coach. I cannot adequately say what a beautiful blessing you were to me in my lowest, most painful times. I think if you often and pray for you as well. All of the questions you had about your kids and telling them is something that resonates with me. I remember trying to figure out what to tell them, when to tell them, how much to tell them about the betrayal. What really hurts is that sometimes I just wish there was relief from all this pain and suffering NOW! I want to throw a fit and ask God why we can’t have relief and healing NOW! Why is there all this sickness and brokenness and trials?! You give incredible hope Tracy! You are a Bad Ass as Shelley said! You always have been! Inspiring, graceful, full of light and power. Those are the words I think when I think of you. Thank you for sharing your story. Love you always!
Samantha

Tracy Binder replied: Girl!! Thank you!!!

Kristy said: Tracy! Thanks so much for sharing your story and I hope you continue to! You are so beautifully strong and inspiring in sharing your experiences from betrayal and now cancer. We all love you tremendously - you've poured so much into us. Can't tell you how grateful I am to have had your guidance and coaching. You have made a real difference in the lives of many. Praying for you and your family. One day at a time. So much love, Kristy

Julie Eade said: Wishing you the very best and thank you for your share. Sadly you are the third person I’ve heard of that has gotten a brain tumor after betrayal. Healing our trauma is so important. Our bodies are just not made to hold this. I’m so grateful to read you are helping other women. I really believe that’s where the journey comes full circle.

Tracy Binder replied: Thank you!!!

Michelle M. said: Praying over you and the support that you have. Thank you for sharing your story with us. I took, have had medical concerns in the midst of recovery and it is hard. I will pray that you are able to lean into Christ this whole journey. It sounds cliche, but at the end of the day...that's where it is at. I am constantly reminding myself of that. He knows. This doesn't surprise Him. He knows it all. He will use this experience and will (and is) using you to reach others. I've been a Christian for years (since about 14 years old). BUT, God orchastrated me learning and understanding more about His Sovereignty approximately a year before "exposure" (2 years ago). I even remember thinking at the time, "I hope God isn't trying to prepare me for something". But He was. And I am so thankful He did. I have no idea where I would be right now if I didn't grasp onto His Sovereignty. It's what held me. Then He led me to the help that I needed (and continues to do so).
This world is hard. That word doesn't begin to describe it. Some go through much more complex things than others. I don't understand that part, but I do understand that God is present. He is not a distant God. He is here. He is with you and He gives us the gift of community.
Thank you again for sharing.

Tracy Binder replied: Wow!!! Just so well said!!

Debbie said: Tracy - thank you so sharing your cancer journey. It was raw and I felt the pain your are/were experiencing thru your words. But as others and Shelly have said - you seem to "kick butt" and keep kicking. Praying that this journey brings you to complete healing and you now have another facet of life experience to share with those you minister too. For now though - let your BFF's and others minister to YOU! That's hard to do for a go-getter like you but it's okay to let others know you need help!

Emily Perez said: Tracy thank you for sharing your heart and your story, thank you for giving us truth and pointing us in the right direction, and thank you for being such an encouragement and inspiration. The way you live your life is such a powerful testimony of God’s love and redemption. Being in your group was one of the very best things that happened to me, God has used you to speak life and offer hope and healing. You have been such a blessing in my life, there are no words to say how grateful I am for your impact. I’m praying for you and sending you a big hug. Love you!
Emily

Kathy C said: Thank you so much for taking the time to write this update for for caring enough about all of us to share it. You helped me sooo much during the months I was blessed to receive your coaching, and I have missed my talks with you. I just knew you would be facing this with faith, strength, tenacity and honesty. I continue to pray for you and your family often. Much love to you!

Emma Berry said: So very real and good