The LAST thing on this earth that I wanted to do in the thick of my healing journey was to be vulnerable with Jason. Who wants to get hurt and then set themselves up to potentially get hurt again?!

And it's true - when we lay down our life for someone - we are humble, we hear them, and we do the right thing, even when it hurts.

So I told Jason - I missed it. I get it. And I'm willing to do what it takes to get the help we need, even if it comes at a cost like missing my favorite exercise class (ouch) or selling my car and stuffing the boys in the bike trailer and biking wherever we go (kidding, kinda).

Jason has always said that him seeing my pain and experiencing it first hand in the days, weeks, months and years (yes, I said years) after betrayal has been a key motivator to not go back to his old ways.

I knew what it was like to suffer deep and I knew I wasn’t alone. Part of our humanity is to suffer. To experience the deep shattering pain that takes our breath away.

So not only can writing about our anger, our feelings, our emotions help us gain empathy for ourselves, it also can help boost our immune systems. Love.

This is difficult because after being hurt beyond belief, my reaction was to draw the bridge and put alligators in the mote.

I identify that the one experience, more than any other, that started to refine this character trait, was coming to terms with the fact that Jason was unfaithful to me.

There is so much heart change that MUST come with this integrity change. And unfortunately, a lot of men get sober. And then they stop. The heart change never comes.

Most of the time, especially early on in the process - she will relate to me that her husband is defensive. It's a go-to, natural, human reaction. And it's so not okay.