Because honestly, sometimes I feel like it’s the kind of different that isn’t even cool. It’s the kind of different that offends others and makes other moms roll their eyes and smile cruelly.

This week has been more of the same - sitting down on the couch, connecting, sharing our hearts. And it's been good. Deep, sacred, fully knowing one another.

Girls, this was a huge awakening for me. It opened my eyes to the fact that I oftentimes change little parts of me to make sure I fit in with whomever is in front of me.

I knew what it was like to suffer deep and I knew I wasn’t alone. Part of our humanity is to suffer. To experience the deep shattering pain that takes our breath away.

It brings me such great comfort to see that God truly does care about the desires of our hearts. He cares about the little details.

I just can't believe that we are coming up on 13 years into this process and there is still work to do. Not the ugly slow work of the first three or so years but work none-the-less.

Needless to say, this ever-so-important part of our relationship hasn’t been easy. Early on in our recovery, the safest way for me to engage sexually was in the dark. But, thankfully, it has evolved over time.

What reading Habakkuk is teaching me is that it's when we grapple and wrestle with our situations - it's through this that we have the potential to move closer to God.

It seems I've had just enough time to tackle the must-do's on my to-do's and I'm not building in any margin for the things on my list that feed my soul.

I'm sure it would be lovely about now to insert a Bible verse given I'm a Christian and all - but the first thing that came to mind was Kelly Clarkson's "Stronger".

It's only when you are doing these things that your wife can actually start to feel she is safe enough to grieve your past - her present. You hear me? She is grieving her present reality. Her truth.

It helps me feel relieved that it's okay where I'm at and it's okay where you're at. God has a purpose for each of us. Today.

I identify that the one experience, more than any other, that started to refine this character trait, was coming to terms with the fact that Jason was unfaithful to me.

There is so much heart change that MUST come with this integrity change. And unfortunately, a lot of men get sober. And then they stop. The heart change never comes.

So although we can't stop shame from happening, we can figure out the best way to respond to it and work through it in a healthy way.

And if we don't have some strategies in place to help us get through the hour, the day, the week... well, we're going to sink.

So that's me. Today. That's my heart. Please don't run away.

Forgiveness is supernatural. And I'm never ever going to feel in my human heart like doing it. But this, dear sisters, is what I can tell you: I know it works.

It's through giving up control, surrendering our outcome, and letting others into our pain that we start to find ourselves again.

As you might know if you've been following this blog for a while...I love fresh starts. And a new year is just the time to wipe the slate clean.