There is so much heart change that MUST come with this integrity change. And unfortunately, a lot of men get sober. And then they stop. The heart change never comes.

So although we can't stop shame from happening, we can figure out the best way to respond to it and work through it in a healthy way.

And if we don't have some strategies in place to help us get through the hour, the day, the week... well, we're going to sink.

Forgiveness is supernatural. And I'm never ever going to feel in my human heart like doing it. But this, dear sisters, is what I can tell you: I know it works.

It's through giving up control, surrendering our outcome, and letting others into our pain that we start to find ourselves again.

It also served as a way for me to see if Jason was serious about repairing the marriage.

Remember that the best thing you can offer yourself and others is honesty, grace, and love.

Know that your voice matters and when one speaks up, it gives another the courage to speak up. Before we know it, we realize that we aren't alone!

Because self-care is such an important part of this process (and to be exact, it's an important part of living life well), I believe that we can all hone in on our self-care skills through the winter.

And I'm beginning to think that one of the ways I can make friends with winter is to embrace its meaning. And for me, I'm beginning to think that winter = loving myself well. Taking a break, slowing down, and being good to my soul.

I almost decided to not write the book review - however, I feel like this book is an important one for any wife that finds themselves married to a husband with a sexual addiction or sexual integrity issue.

I was letting Jason completely and totally in. This is a big deal for a woman recovering from intimacy aversion. It's called being fully known.

Ladies, there are no quick fixes out there. Skipping ahead means you're missing out on true sanctification. This is a marathon, not a sprint. Put on your brave pants and come on. Together we can do this. One step at a time.

Could it be that in order to be fully known in our relationship with our husband, we must first be fully known (as best as we know how) with ourselves?

As someone very witty once told me, "Well, Shelley, it sounds like you signed up for a personal development course and you didn't even know you registered for it!"

What you are doing is leaving your wife to die on the vine. You are allowing her to stay out at sea, day in and day out, without a life vest or a rope or any sort of hope to get to shore. It's selfish for you, yes you, Mr. husband to think that sharing tidbits with your wife here and there is best for her. Because it isn't.

Most of the time, especially early on in the process - she will relate to me that her husband is defensive. It's a go-to, natural, human reaction. And it's so not okay.

I was afraid to be vulnerable. Afraid to disagree. Afraid of what Jason might think of me.

"Addicts need to remember that in the long run, it's the behaviors not the disclosure that led to the negative consequences."