What you are doing is leaving your wife to die on the vine. You are allowing her to stay out at sea, day in and day out, without a life vest or a rope or any sort of hope to get to shore. It's selfish for you, yes you, Mr. husband to think that sharing tidbits with your wife here and there is best for her. Because it isn't.

I believe that it's so important for every woman faced with the reality that her husband has betrayed her - whether it's pornography, affairs, lust or anything in between - have the support she needs and know that she is not alone.

Most of the time, especially early on in the process - she will relate to me that her husband is defensive. It's a go-to, natural, human reaction. And it's so not okay.

I wish I could say that I knew exactly what it looked like to be grounded before Jason and I started this process some eleven and a half years ago, but I didn't.

And one of the greatest gifts you can give your wife is to make peace with that and work at becoming a safe person for her to continue to process with for the rest of your years.