And it's true - when we lay down our life for someone - we are humble, we hear them, and we do the right thing, even when it hurts.

So I told Jason - I missed it. I get it. And I'm willing to do what it takes to get the help we need, even if it comes at a cost like missing my favorite exercise class (ouch) or selling my car and stuffing the boys in the bike trailer and biking wherever we go (kidding, kinda).

I am begging you, ladies, to not give up. Please, take the next step on your journey no. matter. what. This fight is worth fighting. And it's strangling far too many women and far too many marriages. We must, together, fight.

Jason has always said that him seeing my pain and experiencing it first hand in the days, weeks, months and years (yes, I said years) after betrayal has been a key motivator to not go back to his old ways.

You may never fully understand his choices of betrayal. But rest assured that his decisions do not mean you failed as a wife, or as a woman.

I used to think I could forgive in order to circumvent the grief process but I know differently today - grieving is a big part OF the forgiveness journey.

And then I released each one of them - pen and paper, just me and God.

And then I realized, the one and only way to move forward through the pain was to lay it all at the foot of the cross and ask Jesus to do a miracle in my heart and release me from the hurt and the pain that Jason caused.

The type of sex we were engaging in wasn’t the love Jesus intended for us. Sex, for us, was a physical act of confusion. We’ve sought to take out the confusion and put sex in its rightful place.

If you have no idea what you are looking at, let me tell you - you are looking at my 4 week NEW laptop in a Pyrex dish of rice. (Don't mind me, I'm just going to rock back and forth in the fetal position a little while longer.)

Honestly, I consider this to be essential when it comes to self-care which is something I harp on a LOT in my groups.

It's almost as if I believe deep down - if I can have taught skin, a whittled waist, and breasts that aren't wonky, my life will be better, easier.

Back to the point - can I just tell you how awkward it is going to pools in the summer?

It's one of Satan's top tools that he uses to keep us from freedom and from basking in the sweetness of God's grace.

In my opinion, this is the most acute, most insidious, most tragic damage done by sexual betrayal.

Feeling sadness, shame, disappointment - all feelings that I'd rather not feel, but feelings that I know I must work through in order to be whole.

In other words, allowing the negative emotions to wash over me and accepting their reality has also allowed me to experience joy like never before.

I'm trying to stay calm - as other parents are around and this is getting embarrassing. Inside, I was screaming and shaking him. But on the outside - cool as a cucumber, calm, and relaxed. This is nothing. I've got this.

Why do we keep landing here? Asking ourselves - what are we really doing? Why are we limping along like this? Should it really be this difficult? This stressful?